Exhaustion and Irritation.

8/14/10:
There are so many times in which I feel like I am failing my child as a parent. Those times include times like today when I was so exhausted after a doctor's appointment, a screaming/crying spell with Kael in the back seat of the car while Brian went into WalMart to get some Rain-X because our wipers do not work and he was hungry AND tired, then on the way home when he was so exhausted that he cried the entire 35 minute ride screaming "paaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-paaaaaaaaaaaaaa" (pacifier) which we had left at home. All of that, only to have him fall asleep holding my hand 5 minutes before we pulled into the driveway. I was flat-out run down with a truck tired. He napped for 10 minutes and got up raising hell. I said screw this! And laid down....for 30 minutes and woke up feeling worse than I did before, top it off with me being MAD at my son. That, my friends-- is why I feel like a failure. For being angry at a two year old who has no control over the circumstances and doesn't understand why Mommy needed a god-damn time out. YOUNG PARENTS.... take a time out for YOU. It can mean the difference between, "Are you hungry?" and "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!".

We are finally ditching the pacifier. My husband leaves for training this week and I decided that this would be a good time, when there is only one of us and he can't run to the other for a respite. Brian is much more of a pushover than I am. I am really good at doing things on my own-- when I am not pregnant. Right now I am fricken exhausted. I wake up and have breakfast and if I do just one household chore, I am exhausted and ready for a nap only two hours after I've gotten up. It is annoying. I just want my energy levels to come back up. I know that my body is preparing for labor, but I have stuff to do! I have a house to clean, a two year old to play with and food to cook--then a house to clean again!! I never get anything done. I want to know how some people can do it all. It really must be the quality of what you eat. Maybe I should eat more veggies?

9/10/10
I started this particular post last month. I hadn't even worked on it since Brian's last drill because I have just been so drained. I decided last night that I would pick it up and finish it because well, that's what the damn blog is about-- finding time in my life for ME. I actually had an entire piece mapped out yesterday, Blogger was a bitch and wouldn't let me post it--so I waited-- then, I got some hate mail. Some hate mail that annoyed me, motivated me and opened my eyes a little wider. If you can call it hate mail. It's more like disapproval mail. Not very intimidating or threatening, just opinionated and kind of rude. Then again, that's kind of what this blog is all about! Opinions. People read my opinions and post theirs. The difference is that most of the people who read my opinions/post their own, are in agreement with what it is to be a young parent and to have lost themselves in that. Once again, let me reiterate that the reason I started this blog was because I felt/sometimes feel lost in motherhood. Today, young parents face different challenges than those that our parents faced. Our world is different and changing at an incredible rate and our skills as parents reflect those changes. I felt alone in all of that and so I thought that writing about how I FEEL as a parent in today's world would help others like myself. I think that I have connected with many of you along this short journey that we have shared so far and I hope to continue to share my experiences and struggles with you for some time! Enjoy this post. It's going to be a fucking bitch.

1) I have to change the name of the Blog. There is another Maine Mom that posts with a VERY similar title (Mainely Mom--check her out, she's pretty neat!). I'm not sure what I am changing the name to or if I will even get to keep THIS page. I may just link them together and post a good-bye on here.

2 )For those of you who would like to comment! I appreciate the ones who use their names. I do personally know many of my readers. Some of you are friends of my friends and some of you just happened to stumble upon this blog somehow. Anonymity isn't exactly my cup of tea. Since you're reading about my life and have the ability to comment on it, I'd like the courtesy of at least a 'signature' name. I have my settings placed so that you have to enter a log-in to comment. Sorry Anonymous readers, your days have been cut short. I'm just as curious about you! This means that in order to comment, you'll now have to use Livejournal, AIM, Google (and a few others) to log in. If you don't have one of those, send me a message on FB (if you know me) or get one of those options. You can use Hotmail accounts to sign in to Google.

3) Allow me to work my way up from the bottom:


#1- Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Don't blink!": 

A group of ladies have looked over your blog, you are just Martha Stewart and Ann Landers wrapped up in one. You need many more years of experience before you blog again, we can surely see the inexperience of your talents and the range of your intelligence. But it is all right, nobody is perfect but some people need a lot of attention and sympathy. Many mothers and fathers have gone through rearing a child or children and don't need to tell all.

Please notice how this critic actually (nearly) lands a compliment. I can only hope to one day be like Martha Stewart or Ann Landers (who was actually not a person but an advice column). I would like to know if this person is an experienced blogger themselves for they (clearly, from their expertise) know how to spot a poor, inexperienced blogger such as myself when they read of one. They needlessly insult my level of intelligence to make themselves appear superior to me, in a true Freudian way, too. Then, notice the polite slap to the face, "But it is all right, nobody is perfect but some people need a lot of attention and sympathy". Well, well, well... Since starting this blog, I have had many comments and not one of them had anything to do with my blogs asking for sympathy. I am not asking for anyone's sympathy. In fact, I want others like myself (young mothers who didn't experience a great upbringing) to know that they are not alone in parenthood and that we all share the same stories! I don't believe that is the same thing at all. 

#2-Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "M.M.M.I. (Mama Making Monsters Incorporated)": 

This is disgusting. I cannot believe that a person would put their whole life on the internet, with pictures of family to everyone to see. This is very dangerous. Do you like that attention?

This actually may be the same person that posted the previous comment. If any of my readers have read this entry, they can find the humor (I hope!) in pregnancy and the things that I attributed to being pregnant. You know, like feeling like there is a foot in your va-jay-jay, like if you sneeze they're going to come flying outta there, how after a certain point your personal grooming situation becomes hairy to say the least. I subscribe to other blogs from moms who also post pictures of their families. I don't see the difference in posting a blog with innocent pictures of your children and having a Photobucket account that you keep those photos on, through which people can GOOGLE those pictures. Or, whose personal business it actually is as to what I do with my family's photos. My husband is okay with this and I feel that my ability to keep my family safe is reasonably high. The day that I post my address online, you can worry. I actually have the feeling that your disappointment is because it isn't what YOU would do, therefore it is the wrong thing to do. Why is your opinion more important than mine?

#3- Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Don't make me slap the bitch off of your face!": 

#1--These ladies give thier time there, how about you?
#2--How did you know they were Christian?
#3--Why not go to an atheist food pantry? (Ooops, they don't have any??
#4--Why didn't you go there earlier?
#5-- Don't condemn the hand that feeds you 

I have actually already responded to this person on the blog itself but I will re post it for you to read as well:

To the Anonymous person that posted Sept.9th:

#1- I have personally volunteered at this food bank and also donated food to them before, when I was working.

#2-The women are members of this church, I know this because of my volunteer experience there.

#3- Whereas I am unaware of any local "atheist" food pantries, if there were one, I would attend. I do take advantage of an atheist woman that offers nutritional guidance and education though, she is a wonderful woman and I believe all the better for her lack of faith.

#4- I did not go earlier because our son had an appointment and we returned home later than expected. Also, as was posted, I arrived 15 minutes before they closed. I could not return the next day due to my husband having training and having no one to carry the items up the two flights of stairs to our apartment. That would have left me without food items for nearly 5 days until they re-opened.

#5- As far as "condemning the hand that feeds". I feel it is perfectly reasonable to complain about a "volunteer service" that would treat someone asking for help in such a manner. I would NEVER turn away someone (much less a visibly pregnant someone) that was asking for my help. I have seen my fair share of Christians who act very unbecoming and exemplify the very things that they claim we non-believers to represent. Having faith does not make you a good person, believing a fairytale does not make you a good person and 'volunteering' your time does not make you a good person. I believe that her actions and words toward me and the other woman present proved that to be true.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My objective when starting this blog was to open up about what it means to be a young parent today, as I described earlier in this post. I wanted to share my life's up's and down's with anyone who read this in hopes that my story could somehow brighten their day. I do not always feel like the best parent. NO WAY do I ever feel "experienced" at being a parent. I learn something new every single day that I wake up about being a parent. I am constantly discovering new ways to handle the things that life throws my way because after everything at the end of the day, I am human. I am fallible. Someone told me once that what I am experiencing now is just an experience in my life, not my life experience. How true does that ring to you? I feel like YES, being a parent IS my life experience because it is the best experience of my life. No matter how many bad recipes I make, how many cookies I never get right, how many times my kids poop on the floor-- I know that what I am doing is right. I am sure that even Martha screwed up every now and then. In fact, I seem to remember Perfect Martha having a little ankle bracelet incident a few years back...there was a movie about it... I still love her and being compared to anything CLOSE to Martha is a compliment in my book.    :-]

Okay, now that I have outed the haters ;D Let me get down to business and good news!

I AM 36 WEEKS PREGNANT NOW! This baby is coming so fast. I swear, I thought he was going to come earlier than now but just like last time-- no such luck. Like I have said before, I give birth to monster children. A pregnant friend of mine (who is due on Nov.4th!!!!) and I were talking about how big we feel and just being pregnant in general (this is her first) and she told me that I give birth to full grown men. Haha. Yeah, she's kind of right! I have an ultrasound on Monday to determine the baby's size and weight gain pattern. This will be the  deciding factor of the C-section decision. If they determine that he should be under 10lbs, I am going for the VBAC. If he will be 10 or over, like our first son was, I am going to do the cesarean. The risks due to my diabetes are too high with a baby that large. I need to make a decision for both of our sakes. Oh annnd my baby shower is tomorrow :) I am pretty excited for that since I gave away all of Kael's baby stuff because we were going to wait for another baby. Hooray for Babies! :)

My husband and I just celebrated our third wedding anniversary. For us, that is SOMETHING.       

Our son was born three months before our first anniversary, he left for BCT only six days before my 22nd birthday and nine days before our first anniversary. He was in Georgia for our second anniversary. Then, when he came home we had a hard time adjusting to being together after fifteen months of separation and living two separate lives. So, what did we do together to celebrate as a couple? Well, we spent time with our son <3 It was the best anniversary present I could have asked for. We did some military stuff, went to Applebee's for lunch, then went to peek at the animals at the pet store with little man. SO much fun!

Our son has been pacifier-free since the 26th of August! My sister took him overnight and didn't give it to him, so I kept it up. It was really rough for a little while but I can honestly say that I am glad we did it and that I think he has benefited from it already. I was worried about his speech because he wasn't putting sentences together. It seems that since he has been without it, he is picking up more words and using them in sentences!! YEAH! He's such a smart little boy, it's great to see his potential breaking through. Today he was perusing my pictures on my phone. It amazed me! I have a touch phone and you have to rub your finger across the screen to change pictures. He was zipping through them like a pro!

Share your stories about your children's landmark moments. I'd love to hear them. I am going to bed now, tomorrow is going to be a busy day. Hubster has drill and I have a baby shower to drag the kiddo to! :)

Adios amigos!