To the delivery room! AND BEYOND!

Okay, so clearly I watch WAY too much Toy Story. ;-)

I gave birth to my son Konnor on October 4th! It was a natural birth, VBAC.  For those of you who don't know what that is, it is a Vaginal Birth After Cesarean Section. I had doctors telling me that I wouldn't be able to accomplish a successful VBAC throughout my entire pregnancy. I was at a hospital that would not allow me to even attempt a VBAC and then when I asked to have a tubal ligation, they totally shut down on me and told me that if I wanted that procedure, I would have to have extensive scar tissue from my previous c-section. By the way, the only way to tell if you actually have scar tissue, is to have the c-section that I didn't want to begin with!

This is my journey through my second (and last!) pregnancy. I'll try not to make it too lengthy but at the very least, entertaining! 

February 4th, 2010...

Just before I got pregnant!

Surprise! Hey babe, you know how I've been REALLY tired and nauseous and haven't had a period since just after Thanksgiving? Yeah...Well, about that! 

Our lives took a major turn when we found out that Konnor was on his way. I knew I was pregnant. For the moms out there, you know what I mean! You're tired, hungry (and sick at the same time), your boobs hurt, you just feel weird. I knew. I took the test and BAM! It read PREGNANT in bright pink letters--instantly. I was five weeks along, according to the ultrasound date. I was scared. I didn't know if I wanted another child right now, if Brian wanted another... We were just trying to get back to being 'us' again after him being gone for over a year and now there was another little person coming into our lives? We had a choice to make and I wasn't sure which way we would go. I took the pro-choice route and decided to keep the baby. I know, you're probably thinking that most people who are pro-choice would have decided that an abortion (I said it!) was the way to go. Not for me. I made a choice and because I had a choice, I have a beautiful little boy that I love VERY much to show for it. (By the way, I think that abortion should never be used as b/c--as a side note).

March-May 2010

11 Weeks! Not even showing, just a little bloated. (Don't mind the date, haha)

Brian and I told our families. No one was really impressed or excited, except for my sister. Everyone knew our situation and didn't think that keeping the baby was a good idea, though no one really said it. I was depressed about it because I WAS excited. It even took Brian some time to adjust and that was really hard for me to accept. By this time, I was sneaking into my second trimester. I was still nauseous at the sight of meat and fast food. Good thing for me, because it kept my weight gain to a minimum. I lived on fruits, vegetables, peanut butter and beans. Especially beans. For some reason, I couldn't get enough beans! (probably because I wasn't eating enough lean meat)

It was at this point in my pregnancy that I switched hospitals because the doctor that I had told me three things:

1) I don't think that you can deliver vaginally. Your first child was over ten pounds and you had a c-section. (He told me this on my first visit. Not even a-- Hey, let's see how things go, okay?")

2) ( about Kael during a visit while I was having an in-office ultrasound) "Can you please control him?" (he was trying to climb up to see the baby....)

3) He had no idea who I was. On my third (and last visit with the asshole) he had to look at my discharge paper (that he BROUGHT IN WITH HIM) to find out my name. Also, he cancelled one of my visits to go on vacation.

20 Weeks!

I decided that I would rather have a c-section than deal with that guy and I switched back to St. Mary's hospital. I wanted a midwife. They told me 'No'. I had to have an Obstetrician because of the c-section. I chose the doctor that delivered Kael. She was amazing and SO nice. I started showing signs of gestational diabetes at 10 weeks.  They watched it until one day at the office, my urine read that the sugar levels were above 300. Normal levels for pregnancy must be below 120. I was tested 3 times before they caught it. Then, I was required to test four times a day (before breakfast, two hours after each meal). I hated the testing. I was afraid to eat what I really wanted and most of what I could have, I didn't want at all. I cheated a lot. I tried lying about my testing until one day, they told me they would just print out my numbers straight from the monitor itself. I was BUSTED! Haha. So even with the unplanned pregnancy, another c-section coming and the diabetes, things were going okay. My husband was staying home with Kael and I worked mindlessly at my job up to 60+ hours a week at times. Then, I was demoted to relief (per Diem) status and told to check in for hours. I was promised that I would be called and that there would always be a place for me when I came back. WRONG. I lost my job in June, the week before my son's second birthday.

June-September 2010
When I lost my job, I called the University of Maine's free educational hot line for food education. They will send out a FREE dietary consultant who will coach you on grocery shopping and making healthy choices, all while maintaining a balanced food budget. Awesome! Most of my readers know this already.

24 weeks!

Then, the time came for the Tubal-Talk with my Ob. She was all for it when I gave her my reasons for wanting it done and had me sign a consent form. Then she told me that it had to be reviewed by the Ethics Committee at the hospital. WHAT?! Being responsible by not breeding countless children that I cannot afford is unethical? What she meant to say, but couldn't legally, is that it goes against the Catholic faith to put an end to perfectly healthy and functional reproductive organs unless medically necessary. It amazed me that this was even legal. Then I found out that the hospital is actually a religious institution, not just a hospital. I'm not one to tread on someone's religious freedom and it really annoys me when people push their faith on me. But then I had a thought-- I could just switch hospitals and get EVERYTHING I wanted. That included a VBAC and the tubal ligation. I switched hospitals (again) at 32 weeks gestation. It was the best decision I have ever made for myself medically.

30 Weeks

I started using evening primrose oil gel tablets. I inserted one into my vagina every night before bedtime to try to soften my cervix. Then, I BEGGED Dr. Ting to strip my membranes. The first try, at 38 weeks was unsuccessful. He couldn't even get a finger in there to pull anything out. Not only did it not work, it hurt like hell. Friday, October 1st, I had an appointment and he tried again. This time, successfully. As he left the room, he wished me luck, gave Brian a pat on the back and told him to make love to me. Haha!

October 2nd
Okay. So this is the part of the roller coaster when you've just gotten on the ride and you're excited because you've been standing in line for an hour and now that you have your seat belts on and the bar is on your lap you get those little butterflies and euphoria punches you in the face...

39 weeks at my friend's Baby Shower. Isn't she cute?

I had a baby shower to attend. A pretty important one. A friend of mine from high school (and also my sister's-sister in-law) and her husband are due for their son on November 4th and I promised that as long as I wasn't in labor, I would be there. Well, I woke up with contractions and a nasty discharge. I felt so bloated and constipated-- I  really wasn't sure if I wanted to go or not. So I went. It was a lot of fun! I had contractions the entire time I was there. Of course, they were far apart and totally random. I took it as though I was standing too much or walking too much. Then as I was settling into bed that night, they became more regular and I had a really large bowel movement. For those who don't know, a bowel movement can be a sign of labor. I know, it's strange. But this is our bodies' way of  "making room for baby", so to speak.

October 3rd
Although I was really crampy, I woke up extremely energized. That lasted for about an hour or so and I was napping. All of a sudden, I was EXHAUSTED. I called my mom and she told me to just rest because I was going to need the energy. She was right!
Mid-day (around 1pm) I went to pee and a big splash came out. I thought my water had broken, so we went to the hospital. I know... you'd think that I would know the difference between peeing and my amniotic sac rupturing... but it felt strange. Ha
Well, it wasn't my sac! Dr. Ting was on call, so he stripped my membranes some more and sent me home. I started having regular and stronger contractions almost immediately after leaving the hospital. On the way home, we stopped at a yard sale. The people there kept saying that I wasn't going to have the baby soon because I hadn't "dropped" yet. They were right...and wrong... I hadn't dropped... but four hours later, I was in labor and keeping track of my contractions on Facebook! Every time I would have a contraction, I would post on Facebook and wait for the next one. At 10pm, my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and lasting between 45 seconds- 1 minute. I was so ready to get it over with! The nurses were great. They hooked me up for observation and kept me hydrated. We walked around while I had some contractions until the doctor realized I was doing so and yelled at the nurses to hook me up to a monitor. (Since I was a VBAC, they had to monitor me closely).

In labor, watching the monitor.

I zoned out with some music for a while. Brian and I watched an episode of the Venture Bros. and just tried to stay occupied and distracted. The breathing that I learned in Hypnobirthing definitely helped me focus on something other than the pain. It wasn't too bad but I was quickly becoming exhausted. The nurse came in to ask if I wanted any medication. I refused. I was so afraid that it would slow my labor and cause me to have a c-section that I just didn't want it. However, I really needed the rest. I told her she could administer some Nubain, but nothing else. Honestly, all that really did was knock me out in between contractions. It didn't ease the pain and it didn't slow anything down. I just felt more relaxed when I wasn't contracting. Also, it is short-lived, so it isn't much of a help. If I could do it over, I would skip it entirely.
Now, I don't know any of your stories...but those bastards wouldn't let me eat. I was SO hungry and the only thing they would let me have was water. And just to torture me (this is my theory!) they put me in the room with a VIP view of Dunkin' Fuckin' Donuts. All night, those neon pink, orange and white lights were beaming at me, calling my name and then LAUGHING IN MY FACE!

October 4th
D-day. This was it, do or die. The doctor came in at 7am to check my progress. I was at 4cm and 100% effaced. I hadn't had any change in dilation in hours. I was so miserable. He told me that I had two options.

1) I could go home with no pain medication, just the way things were and trust my body to do it's job, hopefully going into active labor in the next 24 hours --OR--

2) He could rupture my amniotic sac and hopefully I would go into active labor and have the baby vaginally. If I didn't progress in a few hours after breaking the water, I would need a c-section.

I took the risk. I said, I trust my body to do what it was made to do. Let's get this going! At 7:30, I was panting and feeling the urge to push. Mind you, this is about fifteen minutes after he broke my water. I was contracting hard, long and with few breaks in between. Brian called my mom to go pick Kael up from our house. He had stayed overnight with my brother in-law on watch and we were worried he would be upset when he saw that we weren't there. We were right. Meanwhile, I am in the worst pain of my entire life! It was like a million charlie horses rippling through my body. Every single muscle in my torso was working toward one common goal-- to expel that child! I was panting, trying to focus on breathing but with ever breath, came a push. I couldn't stop myself from pushing, it was an undeniable urge that left me in agony when I tried to ignore it. I had Brian get the nurse. She told me I had to stop pushing or I was going to hurt myself, that I was only at 4cm and what I was feeling was the baby's head coming down into my pelvis. Yeah...right.
HE WAS COMING OUT. I started to beg for the epidural. The very thing that I had said I did not want and there I was almost in tears, begging for it. The doctor checked me, I was at 8cm. The anesthesiologist came in and tried expaining what he was going to do. I shooshed him and got into position to recieve the epidural. I had done it before, so I just arched forward and tried to make it through the contractions. It was impossible. I could feel him coming out. I knew that he was going to be born any minute and that I needed to push.

My nurse Donna (I will never forget her) was helping me breathe. Hee-hee-hoooo! She kept eye contact with me, trying to keep me from pushing. The noises I made were gutteral and primal and low. Alien noises. The whole experience was so surreal. The guy got the catheter in my back and gave me a quick shot of something.  I was screaming for the doctor, "He's coming now! He's coming!!"
Dr. Ting had me lay down to check me and sure enough, he was coming out. I was fully dilated and ready to push. I was scared. The medicine hadn't kicked in and I could feel everything. I didn't know how I was going to deal with the pain until it just didn't come. I'm not sure if it just wasn't as bad as I expected or if my focus was just so great that I could ignore it. I felt it but it was almost like it wasn't real. I closed my eyes and pushed through each contraction with everthing that I had in me. I focused on the feeling of him moving down and tried to picture him in my arms. In between contractions, I had a hard time breathing and I was very thirsty. Donna was there to give me water and Brian held my right leg, while encouraging me.

There comes a point in labor called "The ring of fire", in which the baby's head is coming out and you're stretched to your limit. It fricken burns! They were SO not kidding when they named it. The good news is that this is a turning point. You're probably less than five minutes away from having your baby in your arms. When the doctor told me that the head was out, I relaxed and waited for the next contraction and pushed with everthing that I had. When he came out, it was so quick and painless. I only felt a slight burn and my focus was completely on him, getting some water and catching my breath. I just looked at Brian and smiled. All of a sudden, my lower half was numb! The medicine that the doctor had injected in my back finally kicked in! Ha.
Probably a good thing, it helped me relax. I had one small tear that required one stitch, but other than that everything was great...

I DID IT! I did what so many had told me I wasn't capable of doing. I was told that my body would fail, that I would NEED a repeat c-section, that my diabetes would hinder my ability to functionally birth my son. I proved them all wrong! :)

Konnor was born on October 4th, 2010 at 8:12am. He weighed 8lbs, 6oz. and was 22inches long. He had a full head of hair and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect birthing experience.

So. My take on Vaginal vs. C-section?
I would go vaginal five times over if I could do it over again. I wouldn't have taken the Nubain because I was fine without it. Yes, I think it helped me relax more in between contractions. So if you plan on having a natural birth, I see no shame in taking it. I also see no shame in the epidural. Mind you, I thought I was at 4cm when I was begging for it! Although, I would skip it since it didn't help me until after he was out and it made my back hurt for a week.

C-sections require so much time for healing and if you have another baby, you may require a repeat surgery, depending on the type of incision that was made the first time. There are risks associated with a VBAC but you have to do the research and decide what is right for you. I believe that if you want it bad enough and are prepared (and a good candidate) you can accomplish a successful VBAC, too!

Here are some VBAC resources that I used in preparation for my birthing experience:

http://www.vbac.com/
http://www.ican-online.org/vbac/home
The Business of Being Born (if you have Netflix, you can watch the movie instantly. It is AMAZING!)