Today was a busy day for me and then not, all at the same time. I did nothing but help my sister watch her kid today. My little sister Ashley is very sick and she has a ten month old. He's very cute! She and her husband worked very hard and saved up to get into a 3 bedroom home about a mile and a half from where I live. ( I just noticed I use the word very a lot). Yesterday, he called out to stay home with her and the baby, but since they really need the money right now, my mom and I took shifts today. Mine was 8:30am-5:00pm. Holy moly am I tired now! Being eight months pregnant, chasing after a ten month old and I brought Kael with me.... WHAT WAS I THINKING?! They two of them didn't want to nap at the same time and there was only one bed to put both of them in. I tried improvising with a comfy blanket and a pillow on the floor. Nope! That didn't work. I ended up just taking Kael back to Daddy while Eli was napping with his mama. 

You know what this means, right? Now I am thinking-- How am I going to do this?! I feel enormously pregnant today. I am bloated and swollen and just.... Pregnant! I applaud those women that hold down a full-time job with two kids at home, while pregnant. Man oh man, they have my respect. I need some damn Vitamin B supplements just to make it through the day most of the time ( I swear by them!). I believe that we do what we have to to survive. When my husband was gone, there were times when I was flat out exhausted and was so frustrated that I would get mad at Kael for crying and then I would start crying! I would have to lay him down and walk away until I could calm down because I felt so irrational. I know that all (or at least most) of us have been there. Somehow, we made it through those tough times-- Because we had to. My advice for new moms is this:
When you feel overwhelmed because your baby won't stop crying, WALK AWAY. You need to remember that they are not rational or logical humans like adults or young adults. They don't understand what you're saying when you ask why they're crying or what they want you to do. They are not going to answer you. Sometimes (most of the time, actually) it's a matter of trial and error.
1) Check if their diaper is dirty. If it's even a little bit wet, change it. Would you want to sleep in pee??
2) See if they're hungry. Sometimes an ounce is all it takes and then it's back to bed.
3) Maybe they need a night light. Kael has had a night light since he was 6 months old.
4) Just rock them a little. Pick them up and hold them close. Sometimes walking around the house will help.
5) Try singing or humming to them.

After two months, you should have them on a schedule. This is just my advice. I know every parent does things differently. If from birth you get the baby in the routine of bath, bottle, book and bed, they will start to recognize certain times as nap/bath/bed times and it will make your life a million times easier. Not only will you both sleep better but you will have more time for your significant other and for yourself. Maybe you could take a long bubble bath with a glass of wine and candles or watch a movie in bed. Whatever you do, just remember that you need your alone time too!

Okay, enough of Jocelyn's Baby Advice!

Something that amazes me: The fact that my son can have stuff caked under his fingernails all day long and when he takes a bath, it magically disappears! It is disgusting. Somehow this kid can have an entire universe of bacteria living under there, all the while making me think that I am going to need an industrial strength nail brush to clean it out, but it comes off without my interference. How amazing is that? Also, his feet can be as black as night and I barely have to scrub them. I have to give myself a pedicure every night to get my heels clean in the summertime but he can run around barefoot all day long, tromping through anything he wants and come out unscathed! Ridiculous!! Kids bodies are like dirt repellents. No, their clothes are not. Shit! I should just let him go naked all the time and save myself the hassle. I'll just slap on some sunscreen and let him go for it! "Have fun, Buddy! You're under 10, they don't care if you're naked. It's cute! BUT. If that creepy bald guy over there stares at you, yell and find some clothes! And mom or Dad. Preferably Dad because he can pull out some Army-ninja moves and kick his ass. All Mom's got is the groin-grab-twist-pull and then kick move. it works, but not as good as Dad's ninja moves."

Anyone else addicted to True Blood? If you don't know what that is then I feel sorry for you! It's a vampire series on HBO that is simply a-ma-zing! It is loosely based on The Sookie Stackhouse (or Southern Vampire) novels by Charlaine Harris. There are ten books total (11 if you count the short stories compilation). I really enjoyed reading the books, except for this last one (Dead in the Family). It lacked a lot of the pizazz that the others had, plus I think she's writing to keep up with the show now. I am just obsessed with it! My husband and I watch every episode and have the first two seasons on dvd. That Eric Northman! Ow, ow!! Okay, so Brian'll be getting some tonight, the hormones are kicking into gear! ;-D

So. I forgot to mention in the last post that if you have a BJ's membership and receive their newsletters, there was an AMAZING recipe on page 3 for Black Bean Soup. It looks delicious! There are so many great recipes in this issue and even better coupons. I suggest looking through it if you usually throw it out! Forgotten clue #2: It also escaped my mind to include a tip about samples! You should register online for P&G Brands Samples online. I like to save all of the samples and travel packs that I get in a small plastic tub in the bathroom. I labeled it "Extra Toiletries" and it has helped us out many times. We recently needed some toothpaste and were able to use a travel-sized tube until we could get some more. Handy, handy, those samples. They're also great for short hotel stays. OH and take those Hotel shampoos! Sometimes you get good ones.

Cute story of the day:
While trying to get Kael to lay down for his nap at my sister's house, I asked him if he wanted a blanket. He (of course!) answered no. He then said, dowwwwwn, pleeeeeeeeeease! With the saddest little look on his face. It melted my heart and I (almost) let him out of the crib! :)

Happy Reading!

Your Grocery Woes (hopefully) solved!

How do you deal with your family's growing tastes? The cost of food is so high right now that most families in this country that have never had to make a tough decision before, are having to choose between electricity, car payments, insurance or groceries. Often times the wrong choices are made and people end up losing everything. I am not saying that I am in any way an expert on financial decisions or the economy. I am however, an expert in poor decisions. I make them constantly. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever make the right decision.

When I was a kid, my mom never planned our meals or budgeted the food dollars that we had. We lived on food stamps, TANF and other things. Yes, my mom did work but growing up in rural Virginia, the money didn't go far. Also, we lived with my grandparents who were always sick, had pets and my grandmother was a bleeding heart for drifters. I remember one man (I cannot remember his name) that used to come by ever so often that wore ratty clothes and never had food. My grandmother always had a place at the table for him and he knew it. So to say the least, we were always hard pressed for food or money.

My grandmother canned everything! She was very old school when it came to food. It was a family affair, even if you weren't family and she could make a can of beans into a feast. If any of you raise a garden and always end up giving some of those vegetables away, then I suggest learning to can your food. It really is a lot easier than you think and it can be so much fun! I actually don't can anything because I am poor and can't afford the initial supplies. If I could, I would! Here is a link to help get you started if you choose to do some canning. Home Canning Website!
Choose your country and explore the site. It has wonderful resources such as: How To's, Recipes and Preserving guides. You can even purchase products on the website. However, I suggest checking Amazon also.

My preferred method of money saving is menu planning. I know that this doesn't work for everyone but if you would just give it a try, you may find that it works better for you than you think. I suggest taking your food bill for a (week, two weeks or a month--however you shop) and comparing the cost of your food bill before & after your menu plan is made. Here is what I do when I make my menus:

1) Sit down and list the non-perishable and perishable items that you have.
Keep this list tacked to the inside of a cabinet door or somewhere that it will not be lost. As you use items or include them in a recipe, cross them off so you will know if you need to buy more. If more of the product is needed, write it on the grocery list. I use a lot of broths, diced tomatoes, tomato sauces and sugars. I try to keep these on hand. Also, sauce mixes and crock pot packets are GREAT! This whole process will probably take about twenty minutes. You'll probably only have to do this once a month.

2) After I know what I have, I look through the grocery flyers.
The items that are "ticket items" will most likely be on the front. These are the items that people buy most often that are on sale for the week. Only select things that you know your family will eat. Also, think of things that can be frozen or reused. For example, if you have baked chicken one night for supper, put it in the fridge and have chicken fajitas, chicken soup, chicken pot pie, chicken salad or barbecue pulled chicken sandwiches two-three days later. Planning ahead is the key! If chicken breasts are on sale that week (or at Food City they have 3 day meat sales) then I will stock up. That's the next tip I have for you...

3) Keep track of what your family uses most often.
I know that all of this seems like a lot of work. I can do all of this in 2 hours or less. If I am interrupted, it takes a little longer, which is why I try to do this when Kael is asleep at night or napping. Keeping track of what your family uses is pretty easy. Put a piece of paper on your fridge and start the list like this:
-milk
-bread
-cheese
-juice
or whatever you KNOW you will run out of. When you run out of something that you use frequently, write it down and make a tally of how many you have used until it is time to go shopping again. This will allow you to factor in the basics v.s. the wants.

4) Choosing your Menu Items:
Oh no. Don't say it. YOU HATE GROCERY SHOPPING!! Dun, dun, dunnnn! Whether you hate it because you have to spend money, because it takes too much time, because you have to carry it all in and put it away or because you have to go at it alone, grocery shopping can suck. I actually like grocery shopping because it gives me (usually) some alone time and allows me to gain ideas from store displays, free recipe cards or those little sample stands that they sometimes have. Take advantage of what your store has to offer.
The list... This is very important. At this point, you've made a list of the things your family will eat that are on sale, what you need and your staples. Now, go over that list and make some meals! You can usually make at least 3 meals out of things that you already have at home. Think about creative ways to use pasta, beans, rice and meats. There are so many possibilities! You probably have a whole menu at home right now and you don't realize it.  Rules for the List:

a) Don't be afraid to recycle.  Like I said before, making a chicken and then using the leftovers for another meal later in the week is a valuable way to save money. You can do this with almost any meat.
b) Do not skimp on the veggies.
c) Brown rice goes with almost anything!
d) Diced tomatoes are a great filler for a lot of things. My husband used a can to thicken up tacos at lunch today! It was AMAZING and I had never thought of it.
e) Baked beans are a meal in themselves. Bake up some cornbread or muffins, butter some bread and you're all set! You can add ham or hot dogs if you like some meat, make up some potato or pasta salad and you'll have a feast for next to nothing.
f) You don't need everything that's on sale. Choose items for meals and if you have extra "sale items" on the list, cross them off. You won't need them unless they are things in the "staples" portion of the list.
g) USE COUPONS. I know it's a pain in the butt to clip them and store them, sort through them later and remembering to give them to the cashier. But with the ease of online coupon cutting, you can get all of the newspaper coupons without all of the hassle. A few of my favorites are:
 COUPON MOM
 COOL SAVINGS,
 RED PLUM and
 SMART SOURCE.
When making menu items, stash the old menus in a binder or folder for future use/reference. (See Picture to right). If your family is like mine, you eat a lot of the same things rotated so saving the menus that you put work into already will actually save you a lot of time and money in the future. Also, this will give you something to go to when you get stuck on what to make for dinner next Thursday night.

5) The List.
This is the best part. Since you have already done most of the work, your list is pretty much made up for you! Whatever you haven't crossed off of the previous list that was made up of the items that you had goes on this list. That means the sale items that you are going to use and the staples that you need will go here. What I do to keep my lists organized is create a color system using hi-liters. The Blues are what I have. Pink is what I need and Green is what is on sale that I need to buy. You can make your own system that works for you.
It may also help to save time if you organize the list by sections (dairy, meat, dry goods, bakery, deli, etc...). I do not do this because I like to take my time when I am grocery shopping. Like I said, I enjoy it! If you use the hi-liter system, You'll know that when you make the actual grocery list, you won't need to write down any of the blue items and this saves sorting through things you crossed out to make your menu with.

This is confusing to some, I am sure. This is just the way that I do things. It's a way for me to organize my thoughts and make simple, healthy meals for my family that I can manage on a budget. Some tips for menu planning:
1) If you have a crock pot, use it!!
2) If you have a grill, use it!!
3) Same thing goes for a blender. Don't be afraid to puree some stuff up and make your own thickeners!
4) Applesauce will sub for cooking oil in a pinch! It's GREAT in muffins and cakes.
5) Check out the gravy/sauce mix section at the store. They usually have crock pot packets that make dinner time super easy.
6) Casseroles and soups will save your life and keep your fridge clean in the winter. My mom's beau likes to make "refrigerator soup", which basically consists of whatever you have for leftovers hanging out in there. It's actually pretty good, depending on what you put into it.
7) Hot dogs do basically the same thing that salt pork does in recipes, without having to pick it out and you can eat it! Mmm!-- I like turkey franks.
8) Surprisingly, cauliflower is really good in mashed potatoes.
9) Eat what you love in moderation. It's fine to splurge on things every now and then. Just try to take in more fluids at your meal times and you will eat less. Not only does it save on food, you'll lose weight too. Just don't overdo it and eat a palm full of food, crazy!
10) BUY EVAPORATED MILK. It will save on how much milk you use when cooking things like sauces, casseroles and mashed potatoes.

11) Keep small lists for quick ideas during the day in case something comes up and you can't make what is on the menu.

Here are a few websites that were suggested to me that have helped me more times than I can count in recipe hunting:
Kraft Foods Compnay
Betty Crocker
Campbell's kitchen
Ten Dollar Dinners (a little different)
5 Ingredient Fix
Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee

Here are some websites that provide printable menus:
Menus Page #1
Menus Page #2 (these are .pdf's that you download)
Menus #3

I hope that all of this is clear and that it helps you with the never-ending grocery tasks that we endure as parents. Actually, as humans! If you have any questions you can send me a message on the Facebook fan page. I check it everyday.( Mainely Moms Facebook Page) Enjoy and Happy Eating (Reading)!

Hopes, Dreams and Slimy things!

Pregnant or not, one should always avoid dreams about Joe Jonas. Or any Jonas for that matter. It's just unhealthy. Not to mention creepy.

The basis of the dream:
I was getting married to Joe Jonas....Ew.....

The Creep-Factor:
 I think I was trying to spoil his virtue before the wedding and  was having such a fun time making him feel awkward and uncomfortable. (What a nice bride-to-be, eh?)

The oddities:
1) My military friend couple was there and we were taking some college courses together at Joe Jonas University.

2) I was taking a bubble bath in the middle of the classroom like it was an everyday thing for me.

3)Joe Jonas bought L.L. Bean? What would they call that? J.J. Bean? Hmmm...

Conclusion:
 I did hear on the radio a few days ago that Ashley Greene from the Twilight series is dating Joe Jonas, my friends are coming home from Texas (plus they just recently sent me a package) and I have been obsessed with both going back to college and L.L.Bean. I even posted about LLBean events a few blogs back! That has to be it, otherwise I secretly want to deflower and marry a Jonas Brother. Which is the creepiest most pedophillic (I'm pretty sure I just invented that word!) dream I could have had, even though he is of age. Still creepy.

While I am on the topic. Dreams. What do they really mean? It is my belief that they are comprised of obsessive thoughts, the events of the day and even things that we unconsciously take in throughout the day. Example one, my Jonas Dream. Example two... this.....thing....

The Basis:
I was a telepath who didn't know it apparently. I went to Florida and attended a school for telepaths that was run by these things that were like vampires but they didn't feed on humans...They were just REALLY sexy.

The Oddities:
1) I was telepathic
2) I wasn't a mom
3) I was in Florida (how often do you know EXACTLY where you are in a dream?)
4) My teachers were all vampires
5) I was sent on a mission with another telepath to find out who was leaving the door open in the storage unit!
6) The culprit was the headmaster vampire!
7) The other telepath knew who I was. He said his sister worked with me at JFM.

My conclusion:
1) I watch too much True Blood
2) I need a break from being Mom.
3) My friend Katie needs to come home from Florida.
4) I want to go back to school
5) I watched Daybreakers (or something like that) the day that I had this dream.

If you want to post some of your weird dreams that you've have recently or when you were pregnant, feel free! I'd love to read them!!

Other News:

Today was such a nice day here in the big LF! It was almost like a warm fall day. I took the wee one out to the Rec. field and we played the "let's go wherever I point" game. It was really fun though. He stayed on the swing all by himself!! It's not a very good picture but you get the idea! I was soooo proud! Again, the little things! He was very interested in the tennis court. By the way, I don't think that thing has been used in YEARS! The nets are full of holes and the thing is rusted all to crap. Plus, there was trash everywhere. I swear, if I had had a trash bag and some gloves I would have gone to town!

I had a doctor's appointment today! 29 week checkup, actually. Now comes the hectic part. Because I have gestational diabetes, I have to test 4 times daily (two hours after every meal and once in the morning before breakfast) PLUS I have to get an ultrasound every month. Now it will go to an ultrasound once a week, a diabetes counselor visit weekly, an OB visit every two weeks and keeping up with the testing. However, since my sugar levels have been so high I may have to have an insulin shot every night before dinner. Yippee! This is why I hate being pregnant. I love feeling the baby move, listening to the heartbeat, seeing the ultrasound and finally getting to hold them but all of the crap I have to endure is so annoying. This means that at least every other week I will have three appointments a week. I live 45 minutes from ALL of these offices. Hooray for living in the Boonies!

Part of being a mom is being everything to everyone and at the same time retaining the person that you really are. You are a doctor, nurse, personal chef, maid, mechanic, diagnostics technician, magician, sexual partner, physical shoulder to cry on and superhero all in one day. Most of the time in less than three hours. The time that you have to be YOU is the most precious of all. Sometimes I think that men forget that. You see, my husband is a gamer. He looooooooooves his XBOX. It drives me nuts! Daily I think that if I hear another MW2 catchphrase, I am going to throw that thing out the window and into the road! "Enemy UAV spotted!, Care package coming in!, Hardcore Team Deathmatch!".... Fuck...My...Life....
My point is, he gets the time every night to be himself and have fun in this world of carnage. I have the time that I get to be alone in the car while driving to the grocery store or the doctor's office, when I visit my sister but come home because I feel guilty for being gone for two hours or more, when I'm writing this blog (which still gets interrupted if Monkeyface wakes up!). I wish that he had more friends nearby so that we could have that equal time apart that every couple needs to stay together.

I love being a mom, but right now I cannot escape it. It's attached to my body and taken over. My mom got so mad at me once when I was pregnant with Kael because I called him a parasite (in a scientific way!!). She hung up on me! It's true. They are. They live inside of our bodies and feed off of our nourishment. We love them anyway though :) I think it's because they aren't slimy. Well, sometimes!

Here's to slimy kids! Happy reading, enjoy!

Don't blink!

If you listen to country music, you are familiar with the Kenny Chesney song "Don't Blink". Here are some of the lyrics for those who do not listen to it:

Don't blink
Just like that you're six years old and you take a nap and you
Wake up and you're twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife
Don't blink
You just might miss your babies growing like mine did
Turning into moms and dads next thing you know your "better half"
Of fifty years is there in bed
And you're praying God takes you instead
Trust me friend a hundred years goes faster than you think
So don't blink

I was glued to my tv when it looked like he looked at me and said
"Best start putting first things first."
Cause when your hourglass runs out of sand
You can't flip it over and start again
Take every breathe God gives you for what it's worth.


Now, I am not a religious person at all. However, I can relate to feeling like your entire life is passing by in the blink of an eye. I am about to be twenty-four years old and some days I feel like I am forty. Having children has put a lot of strain on my body and I pop in places that I didn't even know I had places! My son just turned two and it feels like yesterday that Brian and I were sitting in the hospital room having just found out that I was pregnant. Our lives changed in an instant and now, it is flying by.


When I posted earlier today the activities to do here in Maine, Brian and I had every intention of taking Kael out to enjoy this perfect weather that we are having. Plans changed for us when Kael awoke from his nap in "Toddler-Mode" as I like to call it. This is the crazy, unfathomable, incomprehensible whiny-crying-babbling-clingy mode of behavior in which a child is absolutely un-soothable (if that's a damn word!) and you are ready to start crying also because you cannot find a solution to their "problem". So, you chock it up to a bad dream, Maybe??


IDEA! Let's hop in the car and go to the playground. Yeeeeeeeeah. The playground is always fun, right Kael? He looks at you like you are mentally ill and just starts crying all over again... Okay, new approach. Kael! Wanna go outside? "Okay...." OH! Thank you!!!!! He Agreed!!! So we round him up and put him in the car to head to the playground with Buzz Lightyear in hand. Success! We get to the playground and after maybe 15-20 minutes, he starts the whining again. Gun?? Anyone got a gun??! 


NEW IDEA! He may be hungry. Are you hungry Buddy? He signs yes, he is hungry. We go to McDonald's. Two french fries and a refusal of orange juice later, he's all done and crying again. We ask if he wants to go see Nona and Papa. YES! He agrees but starts whining when we get there. After a while, he warms up to it and (finally) is in a better mood. My point is, after all of that whining and fighting us on the activity that we were doing, he ended up happy.  THAT is what being a parent is all about. Trial and error. You are going to mess up more times than you can count on every finger and toe that you have. Just remember that it's not always about being happy. It's about being happy together. If you can keep that in mind, you'll always be happy.


Today I received a comment from a reader that really made me think about the journey that we are all on. She told me about her children and that she enjoys reading my blog because it's all part of what makes this Momma ride that we're on worth while and memorable. (She didn't say it like that.... I'm just sayin'.....) She is so very right. The memories that we make now are the ones that we will be talking about in twenty-five or forty years with our kids and grandkids about. (I'm about to protect the guilty here, so names are changed!) Like, "Mom, remember the time that Aaron was looking for batteries and came out of your room with a bright pink vibrator, asking if he could have the batteries that were in it?!" or "Hey Mom, remember when we went to the Knoxville Zoo and I got to ride an elephant?" or "Hey Mom! Remember when we went on that picnic by the river and fed the ducks, then got ice cream?". Those memories are important and funny and embarrassing, those are the BEST memories to have. 


That reminds me. Kids pick up the most inappropriate things and bring them to you because they want to play with/watch/read them. Examples:


1) Kael LOVES to play with our mini Kama Sutra book. If he gets his hands on it, he's flipping through the pages like a fourteen year old with a Hustler magazine. I am sure that he doesn't really get it, but my goodness is he interested in that book! I've had him grab it and bring it to me to read to him. So, I put it up on a high shelf in our room. (Side note-- let me clarify that I don't have 'pornography' sitting out for the kiddies, it's just that to get into Kael's room you have to walk through our room and well, sometimes things get left out!)


2) Vibrators. (Again, protecting the guilty here!) Kids 10 and under probably have no idea (or shouldn't) what a shapeless vibrator looks like. I am talking about the ones that are smooth and merely for a quick fix solution to a very loooooonely problem. I know someone who had one of these (a pink one) and her son was 7-8, looking for batteries. She told him she had some in her bureau in her room. Well, he went to the wrong drawer and well... he came out with the thing on saying, "Mom! Can I have the batteries out of this....thing?". She had company and we all started laughing because the kid just had no idea what it was for and hey- that's just fricken funny! So the kid starts waving it around like it's a light saber because we're all laughing and my friend was mortified about what had just happened. Whatever, it's such a FUN memory! Kids do the funniest things!


3) Movies. Today Kael wanted to watch Cheech and Chong's 'Up in Smoke'. While this is actually a favorite of mine, because of the ridiculous things that they do (this one and the Corsican Brothers!) it's SO not two year-old appropriate. It was Dora instead for this little movie-goer!


4) Brian's Maxim magazine issues. When Kael was about one, maybe a little older, he was carrying around a Maxim issue saying "wow". Haha. I guess that boobies are attractive at any age!


5) Nudity. Kids love to be naked and my son is not immune to this urge. Once while picking out a movie in Wal*Mart, Brian and I had turned for a second (that's all it takes) and Kael had removed his oversized shorts. When I tried to get him to put his clothing back on, he took off running while his sagging diaper drooped to the floor. The other store patrons watched in amusement as I chased a naked kid down the isle. This is actually a favorite memory of mine. :]


I am not a perfect parent. Sometimes I look at other parents and think "How can they be so fucking patient all of the time?". Sometimes it takes everything I have to remain calm and not FREAK OUT and start screaming when Kael is throwing a fit in public, whining to no end or when he craps all over the place. I am fortunate to have my husband. He and I don't always see eye to eye. We don't see eye to eye at all most of the time. We are two totally different people with different parenting styles and to be honest, most of the time I am annoyed that Kael prefers him over me. I'm like "What the fuck, Kid? I was the one who took care of you while Daddy was gone, got you on a schedule, stayed up a bazillion hours a night trying to get you to stay in your own bed and listened to you crying because I knew that in five minutes you'd be back to sleep and it would be worth it for both of us". But I forget that while I was struggling with being a single parent, Daddy was with people he didn't know, in a place that he'd never been and being made to do things that he didn't want to do. I forget that because my life wasn't so bad. I'm not reducing anything that I did on my own, I do deserve credit for making it as a single parent! I do... but I need to give Daddy the credit for being a good parent now. Good job Honey, I love you and you mean a lot to me. I am so glad that we are on this journey together, that we have made the hard choices and that we're taking the road less traveled. Here's to four years, two babes and a lifetime of memories ahead of us!


Happy Reading everyone.

If you're not living on the edge, you're not a mom!

I wanted to share a few things that I found recently with all of my Mommy Friends. I know that living in Maine (or wherever you may be!) that sometimes finding cheap and fun things with your kids is tough. My son is two and began walking when he was nine months old! As many of you know (and others are soon to discover) this is a time of high activity and lots of tears-- for all parties involved. Last summer was a great time for Kael and I (although filled with sad times because my husband was gone the entire year). We went to the beach, to museums, out for long walks and hikes and picnics. The weather was so tolerable and inviting that we were rarely stuck inside. This summer has been a living hell! The humidity is about 257234982328562% and the heat alone could kill you! We have done....absolutely.....nothing. All summer long. Today I decided, efff that BS! We're bustin' out! Here  are just a few fun things (in Maine) to do with your kids so you're not living through self-induced summer cabin fever.

1) This isn't actually a fun thing to do...well, it is....it's just not a real family activity. I found this on Target's website and wanted to share. Target sponsors a program called Meals for Minds in which 5% of the profits from certain products that you buy go toward feeding hungry children in public schools. As a child who was hungry in a public school, I fully support this movement and I hope you will too. The next time you are in Target, grab a box of Kraft Mac and Cheese, for a kid's sake.  It only lasts until August 14th, so GET ON IT!! <3  Target's Meals for Minds (click this link!)

2) Here is a link: L.L. Bean Summer Activities
These are some great FREE summer/fall activities that LL Bean in Freeport sponsors. I suggest taking the kid(s) down to the store and letting them explore the Trout Ponds, Aquarium (it has a bubble cave that they can climb into!) and the tree house on the top floor. Also, for parents-- there is the discount store over in the new mall section that has super-low prices on all of your favorite LL Bean gear.

A) on Fridays until October 8th, there is a Market open in Freeport. Check it out while you're shopping and grab some fresh food for a picnic in the park in Freeport! It's from 3-7pm and it is wonderful!

B) KID FEST... need I say more? July 31st all day long. Go! Maybe we could all plan to meet up and have a good Mommy-Kids day! Leave a comment if you're interested.

C) This is more of a Mom thing. Shakespeare in the Park. It starts at 7pm on August 3rd-6th and there will be a professional version of the Tempest put on.

3) Free National Parks Days!
Click the link above for the dates in which you can get into ANY national park in Maine FOR FREE! There are a few weekends left this summer and even some this fall, so take advantage of this while you can! While you are there, pick up a Maine State Parks Passport. It lists all of the state parks and National Parks in Maine, gives a history of the park and the best part (and fun for the kiddos) is that you get to stamp a logo into the book. Once you have X amount of stamps, you get rewards. If you visit all of Maine's state parks, you get free admission to any of the parks for ONE FULL YEAR!

4) Thorncrag Bird Sanctuary in Lewiston. This is a great hiking site and it teaches the little ones about wildlife. Check it out!

5) Grafton Notch State Park in Newry! is a bit of a drive for most of us but I think it's worth it. The drive is SO beautiful and Screw Auger Falls (picture) is an amazing site to behold. I wouldn't bring small children here unless you are just coming for a picnic. Just beyond Screw Auger is Mother Walker Falls. It's so beautiful. Stop to check it out but keep driving. It only gets better.

I hope that gives you something to look forward to. Remember, most State and National Parks run on donations here in Maine so in order to keep them in good condition, it takes money. Please give at least a dollar of $5 for a car full of people. Always take out what you bring in or at least put it in the trash receptacle and respect the other visitors and wildlife! Thank you for reading and ENJOY YOUR SUMMER IN MAINE!

If you jump off a bridge, I'm gonna miss ya.

I have decided that today, I will post my random thoughts of the day.

1)While folding laundry and admiring all of the cute, brand-new clothing that my two year old has, I thought to myself: "It's been entirely too long since you bought new underwear Dear Sweet Jocelyn, when they are as frayed as your jeans from high school that you still wear."
Then I thought... Hey, at least I can (kind of) still wear the bastards. Who cares!

2) While in the shower (twice) I sent a mental love letter to my vagina. It went a little something like this:
Dear Vagina,

I have not seen you in nearly two months. I know that you are there for me when I need you (or when Brian may need you) but just a little peek to see how things are looking would be nice. I know, I know. You are surely angry with me for all of the people that have been poking and prodding at you lately.   It's for the best, you know. In the end, you'll thank me for it because you and Konnor will both be healthy. Also, I am sure that you are in dire need of a haircut. I will fix your 'do as soon as I work up the courage to apply the wax. What's that you say? You haven't shown yourself because you have a mountain looming over your head? Ahhh yes, that be the wee one! He'll be out soon and we shall reunite once again! Soon, my Love, very....soon.
Love Always,
Jocelyn


3) It is very possible that I give my readers a little too much insight. My vaginal conversations are probably best left unblogged. Eh. I am sure you're mildly entertained to say the least. (If it's vomit inducing, you should stop reading....now.)

The Importance of Being Jocelyn.

I like lists. They make my life less complicated because I can organize the jumbled thoughts that roam freely in this brain of mine. I can sit and think of things that I should accomplish and others that would be neat to and decide from there with my little purple Sharpie which items are important enough to accomplish today. Or tomorrow. Or next week. Maybe never. Whatever. The point is, I like lists.

That being said, most of my blog entries will be in list form. Like I said. Thought Organization + My Brain= Harmonious Sounds!

I have plans in life. They aren't definite or even clear. I guess that makes them ideas more than anything.

1) The Importance of Being Jocelyn. It has become very clear to me that more than any other thing or point in time in a woman's life, becoming a parent will make you forget who you are and where you were headed before you became the one constant thing in someone's life. I forget all the time that I used to have dreams and wishes and hell, even to shave my legs! I have become a Momster.

Momster (n.)- A selfless creature of habitual list making, be it grocery, To-Do, chore or price comparison. Also, a Momster is usually a docile creature unless provoked physically or in cases of danger to their offspring. You don't fuck with a Momster. Ever. Seriously, you'll lose a limb. (Also see the definition for Lioness)

This Momster used to paint. She used to dance. She used to go for walks with her husband and go to bed earlier than 2am. She has been a General Studies Major, Education Major, History Major, Business Major, Medical Assistant Major and not once has she earned a degree. This Momster wants to be a Registered Nurse.

This fall, I will be applying to the Central Maine Medical Center College of Nursing for an Applied Associate's Degree in Nursing. Hopefully I can be admitted for the fall semester of 2011. Our second son, Konnor will be nearly one by then and hopefully life will be a little less hectic for our little Family. I am scared and excited. I don't know what to expect. I sucked big butt in high school. I was so lazy, it is just pathetic. I did nothing but complain about how shitty my life was and screwed off academically. I never once applied myself and my grades suffered for it. I am such a procrastinator and sadly, that carried over into college. I am afraid that they won't accept my application for my poor efforts. How can you prove to an academic institution that you are worth their time when your records show that you're just not? Here's my plan: Submit my application and hope for the best. If that doesn't work, I will write to them requesting an interview and explain why I want to be a Nurse. I have so much driving me right now. I am a mother to two beautiful boys and they need the best and brightest future that I can supply them with. Not only that, but I need to do something that makes me happy. I LOVE taking care of people. I am a natural nurturer. How's that for some alliteration?

I once worked in an assisted living facility helping elderly women with their ADL's, like showering. There was this one woman (who has since passed) that I will never forget. She hated most of the staff but for some reason, she loved me and called me her "girl". She used to be a nurse and she was so critical of everything. Once, I had to help her with her shower in the morning. I had worked for 24 hours straight and at 5:30a.m., I probably wasn't the cheeriest person in the house because giving her a shower wasn't even my job. She undressed for her shower and told me that I just had to help her in, wait, wash her back and help her out. Then she apologized. SHE apologized to ME for needing my help. She was embarrassed to be naked and old she said. I almost began to cry. I felt like such an asshole for not wanting to waste my precious time to help her with something that (A) She needed to have done and (B) She was ashamed to ask for. I explained to her that one day I would be in her robe (I was trying to make her laugh) and that there was nothing to be ashamed of. Then she took off her robe and cried. She had no breasts. She came from a time when if there was a lump, they removed your breasts no matter what. She cried and I held her frail, naked body while she cried. That was the day that I decided to be a nurse. I think of that woman often and how much she inspired me to want to be a better person. How can that not make you feel human?

2)My visit from the University of Maine Nutrition Specialist:

When I lost my job in June, I freaked out. We were doing everything just to make it as things were. We were ineligible for assistance because with my income from work and Brian's unemployment we made too much to qualify. I called around to see what we would qualify for without my income and even though it would be almost 1200 less per month, the answer was the same. Not much. I applied for Food Stamps (the Food Supplement Program) and now get $216 per month for food for a family of three. Long story short, the nutritionist came today to talk with me about our food needs and to see how far we can stretch our food dollar. She was pleased that I use my crock pot and that I am willing to try new recipes and beans. She says that a lot of people ask for help but don't want to work for it. She gave me homework.

My assignment from Mrs. Terry Berry. Yes, that is her name! One. Make at least two menus. Full menus, comprised of three meals a day and snack options. Two. Follow my gestational diabetes guidelines as closely as possible. Three. DRINK MORE WATER. She was upset with me that I don't drink more than I currently do. I just don't get thirsty often. I think, ehhh I had water a little while ago, I'm all good for a while. Then I get dehydrated and say "BUT I DRINK WATER!!!". Not enough, Joce. Not. Enough. She will be coming by monthly to help me with my food choices, going over receipts and making adjustments with me as needed. I am so thankful for this. YOU should do this.

3)The loss of a job is equal to a death in the family.

I lost my job essentially because of my current pregnancy. First, I found out that I was ineligible for short term disability through work because it was only offered one time a year (in the fall) and that even if I could sign up, I would be disqualified because pregnancy is a "pre-existing condition". Like cancer or diabetes. How loudly does that scream inequality? I experienced contractions at work one day, was told by two different doctors to take two days off to rest and when I returned to work, I was the world's worst employee. Lazy, never on time, slow to learn and rude. All of the things that I was not, merely days before. I was being discriminated against and have no ground to stand on. I can't even collect unemployment right now. We just found out today that Brian's unemployment runs out this week. He got his last check today. We. Are. Screwed.

4) I am thankful for my friends.

Today I received a package in the mail from two close friends that live (currently) in Texas. They are a married military couple and I love them. They didn't tell me that they were sending anything, so I was surprised! It was ten onesies and a brand new pair of Nike's for Konnor. If you are a mom, you know that onesies are like a sacred chalice! Unless that chalice needs to be changed at 3am in the dark. Not so fun then.

Most of the people that I used to consider friends were never really friends at all. They were people that I had known for a long time that I occasionally saw or conversed with. I had one Frienemie that accused me of wanting her ex. That wasn't the case. I merely sympathized with his situation because she was kind of heartless at times. That's not the point. The point was that people like that specific person were the ones that I thought I would always have around. And for what? To make me feel like shit because I gained more weight than them during my pregnancy? Because I have stretch marks pocking my abdomen? Because I had faith in my husband when she thought I shouldn't? People like that are why the saying "Misery loves company" was invented. The few friends that I have and see are the ones that I can count on to call at 4am, while crying covered in spit-up and pee, that will listen and LOVE me no matter what. Because they are real friends. True friends. True loves. I am thankful for you, friends. <3>

5) A few days ago Brian and I took Kael outside to play with water balloons. Or, "Moons" as he calls them. We all had so much fun! Kael likes to squeeze them until they pop and splash all over him. Then he cries because he's wet. Mainly, he loves it. It is times like that when you realize how lucky you truly are to experience something so pure and precious as your child's laughter. I saw a movie once called Children of Men. The movie itself was kind of crappy but the basis was this: The world is controlled totally by the government and in utter chaos. Women stopped having children 18 years ago and the youngest person in the world (who was famous for it) has recently been murdered. This one dude sees that something is wrong with all of this and goes on this crazy journey where he meets some rebels who are protecting the only pregnant woman in the world. He becomes her protector and when she gives birth, they are in a war zone. He is doing his best to get them out safely while the bad guys are chasing them and in the midst of the firefight, the baby starts crying. Even though these people are on the opposite sides of things, the entire war stops because of the cries of a newborn child. Can you imagine that? That's a John Lennon moment right there.

I guess what I am getting at is this:

I cannot imagine my life without my son. Ever. He is purity in it's most raw and untouched. He can be molded into anything and taught to hate or love. Whichever I choose. And it is my choice. I want him to love and be loved in turn. I want him to experience the joy that I feel every time I see his huge, bright smile or witness him discovering something new. Tonight, for example, he said "n'night Daddy, Love you". That melted my heart! On the other end... here are a few things that Daddy taught Kael:

A) Squuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze! Mommy's nipple. He thinks it is hilarious. When I say he, I actually mean both of them.

B) Kael- Where's your nips?! And he actually rubs his nipples.

C) Where's your weenus?!

D) Kael, tea bag mommy!

When do the life lessons of Dad end? Never. That's the answer to that. They'll end when I am dead. Good and dead.

Do you ever wonder what the point is? Right now I am wondering, what is the point of this blog? It's more like a journal to my life. Can anything I have to say actually be relevant in someone else's life? How can someone else benefit from what I have to say? I don't know. That's my answer. I started it because I feel a connection with other moms who experience the same things that I do. I've come to realize (and this is only my second post) that as much of a Mom-thing as it is, it's a human thing. Human connection and outreach. I had a friend tell me today that love is love, no matter what. Isn't that just human? I think we're all dying for something that will save us in an instant and it takes a lifetime to reach it. Goodnight.

When the Shit hits the fan...or the floor.

I am going to pretend that the only person who has subscribed to this blog is not someone that I know (Sam). Well, here I am. Writing a blog about a topic of which I am a complete novice. Motherhood. I am 23 and really, what the hell do I know about being a parent? It is my belief that there is no right way, many wrong ways and anyway you do it, it's going to be amazing and will scare the shit out of you for the rest of your life.

I am constantly thinking that if I ever get out alive, I will need therapy and no one will ever believe me if I told them what just happened to me. Much like an alien abduction, my mind has been probed (along with other body parts) and now for some unknown reason, I can receive FM frequencies that only I can hear and only when I pee. If any of that just made sense to you, WELCOME TO THE 'HOOD! Of all of the things that I have done in my lifetime becoming a mother has been the most rewarding, fulfilling and genuinely sacred experience that I have had.

I never wanted children. I grew up in a severely dysfunctional family and never, ever wanted to subject someone else to what I had known growing up. My father was abusive to my mother both physically and mentally, hell- verbally, too. My mom was a great mom until I was 10. Her third husband left us in Virginia with my dying grandfather and she slipped into a world of prescription medications among other things. It was horrible living like that and it never got any better. There was barely a day with clean laundry for nearly two years. There were many times in which we didn't eat unless we were at school or someone else fed us. I hate those memories. Thankfully, my aunt from Maine took us (three of us) to live with her after our grandfather died and for a short time things were okay. Of course, our mother stayed in her self-deprecating state for years, but at least we had some support to lean on. I love my Aunt for that.

How did I get here? I think about that a lot. I met my husband Brian when I was thirteen. He was a year ahead of me in high school, rode the bus in front of mine and we had a study hall together my freshman year. He was a freak. I loved it. He wore strange clothes, had weird hair that was very black and usually changed in color. It's naturally blond and beautiful. He has the most intriguing blue eyes that any painter would be proud to paint. They say so much in so many shades. Oh, he's tall. He had me at "gum?". That was almost eleven years ago. It's strange to think that it has been that long. We dated briefly, then went our separate ways but always stayed friends. In 2006, we started dating again and by September 2007 we were married. We found out in October of 2007 we were pregnant and really, the decision was easy for us. We loved each other and knew that we could love a child that was equally mixed of the two even more.

That was three years ago and our son just turned two in June. My oh my, how time flies! I think back now on the struggles that we have had and how they seem so small in comparison to what is to come. I suffered from Post Postpartum Depression after Kael was born and the worst part was the my husband left for the Army when he was two months old. Luckily, I had my sister to help me. It got to the point where I just didn't want to get out of bed. I used to sit in my wedding dress while watching Smallville (because he loved it!) and cry. I missed him a lot.

I went back to school and that kept me busy. I also did a lot of shopping and I am not proud to say that I spend nearly everything he made in the time that he was gone. Every. Single. Penny. I didn't write to him everyday like I said I would and I didn't make the time to talk to him on the phone every chance that I got. This created a huge space between us and now, I'm wishing I had a Delorian. I love my husband very much and wouldn't want to spend my life without him. When I had the chance to show him that, I blew it. I hope that if I have any readers that take their significant others for granted, that they correct this error. It sometimes leads to bigger issues and honestly, it's not worth the risk.

My Son.

He is absolutely wonderful and nerve wrecking all at the same time. How many are with me on this one?! There was a time when I thought that his poop going all the way up to his neck and down his legs while in the car seat would be the worst thing in the world. Oh buddy! I was wrong. Let's make a list of the things that two year-olds find FUN, shall we?

1) Pooping on the floor. Oh yes, they do!

"Hey Mommy. Let's play the hide and go seek my poop game, okay? It'll be a good time. We can look around for it and smell for it and ask for it. But hey- I'm not giving up my hiding spot for the sake of your carpet. Noooooo way, Woman! When you finally find it, you'll realize that it was actually smooshed under my blanket the entire time! Hahahahaha. Isn't that funny?!"

2)Taking off the diaper and peeing ON it.

This is Kael's favorite game. It's the 'I don't want to wear this because it's wet but I am not going to sit on the potty for more than .5 seconds-game'.

3) The answer to EVERYTHING is "No". (Even if it's Yes)

Did you poop?- No. (yes)

Do you need to use the potty?- No. (yes)

Are you hungry?- No. (yes)

Does Mommy look fat in this tent? -yes...(Hey, wait!)

4)Throwing tantrums.

Oh, the tantrum. How wonderful it is. Wal*Mart, the grocery store, the toy store, on the lawn, in the living room, on the kitchen floor. No matter the venue, it's usually a classic comprised of lying on the floor while screaming and kicking. Then of course, they have to stop and look to see if you're paying attention.

5) The Late-Night Bed Shuffle!

Kael is a professional at this game. Sure, he will go to sleep in his bed but at 5am, you will discovery a little intruder amongst your plush blankets!

6) Bubbles.

KIDS LOVE BUBBLES. There is nothing in this world like bubbles for a kid. They like to blow bubbles, pop bubbles, drink bubbles and poop bubbles. Bubbles are crack for kids! If you don't believe me, take 'em away and see what happens! (See #4: Tantrums)

7) The Hide the Action Figure on a shelf at the supermarket game.

Kael just recently started this game. He has a beloved Buzz Lightyear action figure that he likes to take to the store. I am considering tying it to him the next time we go. Is there a leash-law for Toddlers in Maine?

8)Graffiti.

Children are artists in their own rite. Any surface is a canvas and the best ones are white. My son recently received a chalk board for his birthday and now my couch (it's suede brown) looks awesome in pastel pinks and greens.

9) Let's see how many Dvd's I can watch in an hour!

Dora, Diego, Blue's Clues, Little Einsteins, The Doodlebops. I have seen them all, can sing every theme song and I know what Blue wants to do before Steve does!

10) The pretend nap.

This one is sneaky and hard to catch until it is over and done with. This is when your Tot lays down quietly in their bed for TWO full hours while you bask in the glory of silence, only to realize at the end that they DID NOT sleep. Not only did they not sleep, every toy they own is on the floor and most likely so are the contents of their diaper.

Our second son is on the way and I am just hoping that I survive this one! Here is a present for my readers. Kael's masterpiece from yesterday. (The picture at the top of the page!)